Forever & Always Maybe
by greysgirl37
Summary: Castle is suprised at how fast Beckett comes around. Can they keep their relationship a secret?
1. Never Say Never

I sat at my desk dreaming of what I was going to write. Becket, she was my muse for the novel, but I hadn't been to the station in over a week. I'd been to wrapped up in other drama, that by the time I thought about going to the station… it was too late. Alexis was trying to show me how much I should trust her judgement, but somehow ended up in a car wreck. She'd been out for a few days, and was still in the hospital being monitored.

After much thought, I decided to make a trip to the hospital. She'd enjoy that… possibly. I hurried to my car, and searched franticly for the cupon to Gen Sing. Instead I happened upon my cell phone… for some reason, I don't remember loseing it. I checked the messages and was delighted to find that Kate was the only one the made up the list. So I'd make a quick detour at the station.

I pulled into the lot, but much to my surprise, my normal parking spot was taken. Okay. I ended parking in the boonies, but the walk would do me good. I got astonished looks from most everyone, but only one I cared about.

Becket sat at her desk, but my chair was taken, but another woman with hair slightly longer hair than Becket.

"Rick. How's Alexis? I've been meaning to stop by but I had an unexpected visitor." The stranger turned, and I was taken back by the resemblance.

"Brandy, this is Richard Castle. Castle, this is Brandy."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." She smiled a bright wickedly vital smile.

"The pleasures all mine."

"So, what'd you need?" Becket asked.

"I just got all of your messages, and I decided to stop and tell you that I'm sorry for not getting back to you; this whole thing with Alexis has got my blood preasure throw the roof."

"Ah, yeah. You must be the author who's been shadowing my sister."

"In the flesh."

"You want to go for drinks later?"

I looked a Becket, who looked away quickly. Maybe this was just the ploy I needed! I'd make her jealous!

"I wouldn't mind a drink." I smiled at her.

Beckets head shot up, and suddenly she got up gathered her stuff and left.

"So, does Saturday sound good to you?"

"Excelent."

"I guess I see you then." I watched her leave. Feeling a tad bit snoopy I picked through the files on Kate's desk… see what I'd missed. I was shocked to find a picture of me… what was she doing with a picture of me?

As the week progressed, I got the cold shoulder from Kate… but I wasn't worried; it was all part of the plan. It was Friday afternoon, and we'd just got done with a big case. Brandy showed up right as we were wrapping things up.

"Hey." She greeted me with a wink. "Hey, um. Kate, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the mall with me tonight. I have to find something special for tomorrow."

I saw her swallow hard before answering. "I have quite a bit of paperwork left to do. I think I'll be home late. You shouldn't wait up."

"Okay miss cranky pants." She frowned at her sister, and smiled and winked at me before leaving.

"She looks a lot like you." I stated.

"I don't see it."

"I can't believe she's single."

"I can."

"You've been very bitter latly." I frowned. "Maybe I shouldn't keep coming here."

She shook her head quickly, but it wasn't enough to keep the rage from spilling out. "I don't care what you do! And if I never have to see your face again… well I think I'll find some way to live."

"Then I'm gone."

"GOOD!"

"I promise, you'll never have to see me again, and I'll stop the second novel."

She didn't reply, so I got up and proceeded to leave. I sped out of the lot, my destination; home.

I didn't show up at the station, just as I'd promised Becket, but it was her lack of communication that got me. We'd never been mad at each other like this for long. One of us would always smooth things over.

8 PM came faster than I'd expected, and Beckett was the only thing on my mind. Was she really not going to forgive me for this? She'd forgiven me for snooping in her mothers case files… yet not for having a drink with her sister. I guess I'd have to let the chips fall where they may.

I was only a fraction of a minute late, and Brandy was already seated at the bar.

"Hey." I approached.

"Oh, I thought you'd never show." She smiled.

"Fasonably late."

"Quite the excuse." She rolled her eyes.

"Only the worlds best."

The evening went on, and I could tell that Brandy had about as much in common as water and oil. That wasn't going to stop me from enjoying the company, she looked so much like Beckett that I just couldn't not look at her.

She had a few more than I did, and just as I was about to call her a cab and leave… I heard the bell above the door ring. The sound of heels coming my way, made me sort of anxious. I knew it was her… who else could it be?

"Brandy, can I speak with you."

"Spit it out."

"Brandy, alone." Her voice became harsh.

"There isn't a soul in this joint you can't talk to me in front of."

"Brandy, now." She seethed. I could see that she was about to blow, but evidently Brandy couldn't.

"You need to leave."

"I'm on a date, Kate… ah ha ha, hey Richard, it rhymes."

"Your not on a date."

"Your just jealous… so bitter because I can get a man and you can't."

I could see the ambush in her eyes. The tears welled, but she contained herself. What had I done, Brandy didn't pick up on the fact I didn't want to date her, and Kate was getting hurt because of it. I watched her turn and leave, but I was determined to fix this.

"Kate!" I followed her out.

"Castle, leave me alone!"

"Kate, stop." I grabbed her arm. "Kate, please listen to me."

"Why don't you go back to your date."

"Because for one I'm not on a date, and two if I was on a date it wouldn't be with the one I'd want to be on one with."

"Go away." She tried to pull her arm away, but I wan't going to allow it. She was facing me only inches away.

"I'm not going to go away this time. I haven't wrote it a week, I can't seem to sleep, and life itself has no meaning. The two most important girls in my life are so far from me at the moment that I can't seem to find a reason to live. Alexis is with Gina, and you… well your just not there. It's an awful feeling. You two are the biggest, brightest, most vital stars in my universe, and I'm missing my stars."

The tears were streaming down her face now, but her lips were sealed.

"You mean more to me then life, Kate. I'll always think of you when I'm writing, I'll worry about you during the day when your investigating crimes around the city, and I'll always…" I paused. "I'll always wish that I could tell you just how much I love you."

I pulled away from her and started to walk away, but I remembered that I had one more thing to say.

"I'm going to drop by the station tomorrow to pick up some things I left there."

Just like that I walked back into the bar, called a cab for Brandy and was walking back to my car. I peered a few cars down in the lot and noticed that she was still sitting there. Hopefully she'd see the truthfulness in my words and forgive me, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up… I'd hurt her so many times that I wasn't sure she could take anymore blows from me.


	2. The Cat's Out Of The Bag Now

I couldn't seem to sleep that night. I stared at the screen for so long; trying despritely to give the second Nikki Heat book a good, happy ending. It was a task that was impossible in the mood I was in. Gina had given me a call, but I'd let it go to the machine. Damn woman didn't give me a full day before trying to persuade me to start working on the old series I was working on before the Nikki Heat books.

It was ten minutes till noon, and I was getting ready to go to the station. She'd more than likely be out on an investigation… which was a good thing. I didn't want her to be there when I got the last few remnates of my time at the station.

It was a long drive, but when I got there I was happy to see that her car was gone. I hurried in, picked up my stuff dropped a note on her desk and hurried back to my car. I'd made it in and out without her there… that was good.

I was on my way back home when I passed her. My hand wanted to wave, but my mind kept it in check. My stomach flipped back and forth, and my heart felt as if someone had ripped it out and threw it to the ground. I stumbled to the porch and sat down on the bottom step.

I sat there head in hands, but the sound of tires made me look up. I watched her get out of her car and walk towards me.

"You look like you've been through hell." She spoke.

"Correction, I'm living in hell."

"You don't have to stay away from the station."

"Yes I do, look at what I do when I'm there. I'm a pain in your ass, a constant one at that. I'm not going to stand in your way."

"Okay, I guess I need to refrase that. _I_ don't want you to stay away from the station."

"Beckett, I can't go back."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm tired of hurting the ones I love." I explained.

"Every time you've hurt me… it ends up doing me good. First with my mothers killer, then with the fake date. I've seen so much that I just can't not be around you. Your arrogant, a constant pain in the ass, and everything I want."

"What are you trying to say?"

"For someone who's good with words… you just can't seem to understand what I'm trying to say."

She got closer, closer till I could feel her breath on my face. "I guess I could show you." That was all it took. From there on I couldn't think of anything but our kiss. She'd been in on it the whole time and I'd never known.

"I'm still not going to come back to the station." I spoke when she pulled away.

"Yes you are."

"No."

"I'll come here and drag you there by gun point."

I smiled. Why was the thrill of this so much that I couldn't stand my ground. We sat there awhile watching the sun dip below the clouds.

"Would you like to come in. I'll mix up some drinks." I offered.

She smiled. "Sounds good."

"After a day like yesterday… a big bottle of vodka and a gun would ease the pain."

"Should I leave mine in the car?"

"You came here armed?"

"You never know when you might need it."

"Sometimes I feel I should be afraid of you." I teased.

We sat and talked over a few cocktails, and we became closer. She really did open up to me. It wasn't until I looked at the clock in the kitchen that I noticed it was so late.

"Its ten."

"Yeah, I guess I should be on my way home." I watched her stand and stumble.

"You've had a few, maybe you should stay here for tonight." I offered. "Just so you can sober up. I don't want you behind the wheel of a car."

"I'll be fine."

"You can barely stand straight, I think I have better judgement at the moment." She glared at me before dropping back down onto the couch. I put on a movie, and it wasn't a few minutes later she was curled up with her head on my chest. I didn't know if I was glad she wasn't sober for this or not. It would be the perfect opportunity to take total advantage of the situation, but I restrained from doing anything that would put me in the dog house again.

Half way into the movie I moved my shoulder, just to find out that she was out cold. She doesn't snore… that's a plus. I contemplated letting her sleep on the couch… but I couldn't see any use in it. So I heaved myself up with her in my arms and walked to my bedroom. I placed her on the bed, covered her up and went to the linen closet to find some blankets for the couch.

I didn't sleep very well, so around six I decided that I'd get up and make breakfast. I didn't notice she'd awoken until she stumbled out into the livingroom looking a little haggard. I saw the look on her face and knew what she was thinking.

"I slept on the couch." I pointed to the blankets that were still there.

"I'm sorry about last night." She spoke.

"Sorry about what part?"

"I shouldn't have had so much." She walked to the bar and took a seat. "I know I have a low tolerance to alcohol."

"To think, I got a buzz… and you… we you weren't totally wasted, just enough to make me think you weren't capable of driving home."

"Ughhh, I look like hell! How am I going to explain this to Lanie."

"Explain what?"

"Me not comeing home all night… looking like hell."

"Why exactly must you explain this to Lanie?"

"She's my neibor… of course she's going to notice my absence."

"You don't have to tell her you were here."

"I'm not ready for them to know about my feelings towards you."

"So that wasn't just a pretense."

"I meant every word of what I told you. Even the alcohol couldn't erase that." She sighed. "I'm just glad I don't have to hide it anymore."

"Only from me." I turned, "Unless you'd like Alexis, and my mother to know… and if you don't want them to know… well I guess I'll be spending a lot of time at your place."

"That won't work. Lanie will see that you are there."

"I guess then they'll find out when one stumbles upon it."

Things feel silent, and the curiousity grabbed me and pulled me under.

"When did you really know you had feelings for me?" I asked flipping the last of the bacon.

"To be honest… not until last night. I saw you with her and couldn't stand to see you with anyone else. As selfish as that may be, I was jealous that she had you, and I didn't."

"I see."

"What about you?"

"A few days after we meet. I didn't plan on liking you, I'm a very distractable person."

"So for you its been there the whole time."

"As if you couldn't see it."

She pulled in a deep sigh, "We should hurry, the station might come looking for me."

"Just let me finish breakfast, I'll give you yours to go… you can run home, change, and I'll see you at the station."

"Let me get there first."

"Call me." I smiled, and handed her a plate. She gave me one last parting kiss good bye and she was gone.


	3. Jump Then Fall

_**Some have pointed out that Alexis should be with Meredith. I meant to fix that before I posted it, I'm sorry for the incontinence. I'll make sure that I'll use Meredith for the remainder of her appearance in the story. Thanks to all my readers for your comments and support. You're amazing. **_

I like the way you sound in the morning  
Were on the phone and without a warning  
I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard  
I like the way I cant keep my focus  
I watch you talk, you didn't notice  
I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together.

Jump Than Fall- Taylor Swift

I was whistling a happy tune when I heard footsteps approaching me.

"I'm proud of you kiddo." My mother stated slapping me on the shoulder.

"When did you get here?" I asked immediately. I didn't know she'd come in last night. "What did you see?"

"I know that you didn't sleep with her if that's what you're suggesting." She stated.

"That doesn't answer my question mother."

"It was late, you were out cold on the couch, and curiosity got the best of me." She spoke. "I'll tell you one thing though; she's an avid sleep talker."

Oh shit. I winced, "What did you hear?"

"Your name, a lot." She paused, "I thought it was cute at first, but after about ten minutes… it just got down right annoying."

"Is that all she said?"

"You know, I'm starting to think you're trying to hide something from me." She zeroed in on my face giving me that look that only mothers could give. I tried to look away. "You're seeing her."

"Mother, please." I tried to pass it off as a figment of her imagination, but she wasn't going to let me off the hook this time.

"We had drinks."

"Oh, Alexis is going to be overjoyed!"

"YOU CAN'T TELL HER!" I yelled.

"Why not!" She shot back.

"Because I don't know what's going to happen yet. I don't want to screw this up like I did with Gina and Meredith."

"You're not going to screw it up, Richard. Gina and Meredith weren't right for you. I knew it; deep down you knew it too." She paused, "But Beckett has changed you. She's perfect for you."

"That doesn't mean you need to alert the media quite yet mother." He slid her breakfast onto a plate, and took what was left in the pan.

"I won't tell anyone." She gave in.

"Thank you." I answered.

Suddenly my phone let out a wail and I grabbed it quickly.

"Duty calls." Mother spoke.

It was Beckett; she'd decided to wait awhile to call because Lanie had confronted her about not showing up last night. Evidently she had that smoothed over.

Kate was very adamant that our relationship be kept under wraps. I being the wonderful man that I am happily agree to do whatever she wished. I was just lucky to have her by my side in the first place. Work seemed highly difficult for both of us, but it was easier when we were out on an investigation because we didn't have any time to give each other suggestive looks.

It was late afternoon when we finally got some alone time. Now how was I going to tell her that our plan of keeping this secret wasn't panning out very well?

"My mother knows." I stated discreetly.

"WHAT!" She lowered her voice. "You told her."

"No, you did." I spoke.

"No I didn't."

"Yeah, you did. Last night she came in while we were both out, and she overheard you talking in your sleep."

I watched as the blood flowed into her cheeks turning them a bright rosy pink. "You're kidding."

"I wish I was."

We both straightened up a little bit as some people entered the room. We sat there, looking at each other for the longest of times. We didn't even notice Ryan and Esposito entering the precinct.

"Um, hello." Esposito greeted.

It took a moment to get a response. "Oh, hey, what do you got?"

They eyed both of us speculating. "We got prints back from the scene. Get this; they match a man named James Proctor. He's been in and out of the system since he was five, and in his late teens he was convicted of premeditated murder in the first degree."

"So does anyone have his location so we can pull him in?" Beckett asked.

"We're working on it." Ryan replied.

"Okay." Was all she said before she started to immerse herself in the stack of paperwork in front of her. Our secret could be hard to hide, but because I wanted to desperately for it to work, I was going to please her anyway I could.

I waited at my apartment anxiously. She'd told me she was bringing some movies. I was in charge of making dinner, and the memory of Thanksgiving had me a little nervous. I settled on something quick, easy. It wasn't long after I started cooking, the door bell rang.

"Good afternoon, Beckett." He greeted.

"You're cooking?" She gave me a speculative look.

"I didn't think you wanted to go out… considering this is still a secret." I stated. She seemed to be okay with my reasoning. "But when it's finally out of the bag, I'd like to take you out on a really date."

"Sounds good." She smiled slipping onto one of the bar stools. "So what are we having tonight?"

"Mac and cheese." I stated proudly.

"Mac and cheese."

"Its more than likely the only thing I can cook. I'm not willing to risk my eyebrows again."

"What?" She looked at me confused, but amused.

"Thanksgiving will never be the same again." I tried not to laugh.

"Here," She said walking around the counter. "Let me."

I was astonished as she pulled some ingredients from the back of my cupboard shelves. She mixed, stirred, and cooked quite comfortably.

"Why, detective, I never knew you could cook." I teased.

"There's a lot you don't know about me." She countered with a smile.

"So, should I consider this our first date, after all we are keeping this little relationship secret."

She paused. "I'd like to take it slow. Just because we are 'together' I don't want that to mean that we have to jump into it so quickly."

"I understand."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm more than willing to spend every minute of my free time with you." She smiled, more than likely trying to amend the sad look on my face.

"No, you don't have to explain it. I'd rather take it slow." I smiled. "I don't want to screw it up, Kate."

She didn't say anything, but she did slide some rather delicious looking food onto a plate and sat it in front of me. After that she served herself, and walked around to sit next to me on one of the bar stools.

"I'm happy that you're willing to do this my way."

"I think I might just like you, so I'll do whatever needs done to please you."

We ate, laughed, and talked. She seemed at ease being around me, and soon after we were done, I picked up the bag she brought with all of her movies. We quickly picked a movie that we both enjoyed and settled down on the couch to watch it.

At first she was content sitting close, but without contact. I smiled at her, and she returned the gesture. The movie played out before us and I felt her getting closer. I couldn't help but let my hand move towards hers. She didn't pull away when I touched the top of her hand, so I looked up to see if I hadn't crossed her line. She just smiled.

So I let my fingers draw patterns on the top of her hand, and it wasn't long before I turned her hand over and started to do the same to the palm of her hand.

"Stop." She smiled playfully. Now her had came to rest on my shoulder.

"No." I smiled back reaching for her hand. She pulled it away playfully but I caught in again. This time as I pulled her arm around, I turned my face only a fraction of an inch away from hers. I don't know if it was just in the moment, or if it was a planned assault. But suddenly her lips were on mine. First softly, then with more aggression. She moved slightly, onto her knees. I leaned into the couch, how incredible this kissing was.

Breathless, she pulled away. "Take it in, Castle. You're lucky you got that much."


End file.
